children
My 5 Biggest Fears Being A Dad
Photo Courtesy: OTH313 on Flickr
My day-to-day activities don’t revolve around fear, but I am aware of the fragile nature of life.
I maintain a healthy respect for life and all the dangers that lurk around us everyday.
Now that I am a father, my responsibilities have changed more than I could have ever imagined.
And with that responsibility comes a great sense of accomplishment and pride. What scares me the most are things that can take that away.
Loss Of A Child
My wife miscarried the first time she got pregnant. It was a difficult time in our life because we lost a child. We never knew if it was a boy or a girl because the miscarriage happened around 8 weeks. Luckily we were blessed with a beautiful daughter about a year later.
To this day, nothing in this world scares me more than the thought of losing one of my children.
I could not imagine living in a world without the amazing spirit of my daughter. She makes my days brighter in every way imaginable. Without her, my world would have no inspiration, love or sunshine.
Everyday I am thankful because I am undeserving of such a beautiful and healthy daughter. I know there are many parents and children out there that are not so lucky. They battle life and loss to a degree that I can’t imagine and for that, they are much stronger than me. My heart goes out to any parent that has had to suffer the loss of a child.
Loss Of My Wife
Next to loosing one of my children, loosing my wife is one of my biggest fears. I don’t question my ability to raise my daughters alone, but loosing my wife, their mother, would be devastating.
It would affect the way I would be as a man and as a father. [See my last point] I feel very strongly about kids being raised in a house with a mom and a dad and my wife provides so much balance in my life and in Olivia’s life.
I couldn’t bear to see my children grow up without their mother. I couldn’t bear to see my grand children grow up without their grandmother.
Loss Of Interaction
There is noting more magical in this world than being part of a child’s world and helping them grow up. When I’m with my daughter and she is figuring out something for the first time or just having a good time, I’m beside myself with happiness. It’s become such a part of my daily routine that I can’t imagine not being there as she grows up.
Can you imagine never seeing your children open another Christmas present? learn to ride a bike? ace a test? graduate high school?
I know some loss is inevitable as kids grow older and my role as father will change over time. Everyday when I drop off my daughter at school I can’t help but think “What if I lose all this?”
Loss Of Love
I want my daughter to call me 20 years from now and still love her dad that same way she does now — Okay, she doesn’t love me as much as she loves her mom but I don’t want to give her a reason not love me.
My heart melts every time my daughter gives me a hug or when she asks me to help her with something. I never want to lose that! I never want to give her a reason to never need or love her dad. I think this is another thing that dads have to work on.
Just like we do with our wives, we need to build our relationships with out children. We need to learn what they love, learn their fears and learn their dreams.
Loss Of My Self
People change…we all change. I don’t expect to be the exact same person 20 years from now as I am today. What scares me is the thought of loosing my sense of responsibility as a father to my children. If I lose my self then who will they turn to in times of need and hardship?
I don’t want to become apathetic about being a father. I never want to give up trying to become a better father for my children.
I’m not sure WHY you might give up trying to be a father - but that’s what scares me.
Tags: Great Related Posts:
- Real Ways to Love Your Child(ren): Part I
- Real Ways To Love Your Child(ren): Part II
- How Becoming A Father Will Make You A Better Man
- Learn From Your Children To Be A Better Father
- Help Your Children Plot A Safe Course
Discussion
16 comments for “My 5 Biggest Fears Being A Dad”
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Savvy Source For Parents:
Good article. It’s tough to confront fears, but I guess that’s how we get over them. I’ve experienced loss, and it takes a long time to get over it. Your life is never really the same, although time always goes on and takes you with it. I’m sure it wasn’t easy writing this one.
I find myself thinking along the same lines, I think off into the future and I end up worrying about stuff that simply doesn’t apply.
A little fear is good, keeps us reminded of what we have worthwhile, but too much I think we gotta learn to leave it a little.
Nice piece.
@Jeremy: I’m glad you enjoyed the article. I wasn’t easy writing this because your mind can do in 20 different directions.
@XBox: You’re right - too much fear and we can easily become paralyzed. Not a good place to be when you are a father.
Tyler - I can certainly empathize with your fears. Like other dads I’ve had to live with loss of interaction and loss of love due to divorce, and it is a bitter pill. Like Jeremy said, I try to use my fear as a motivator, but take care to avoid focusing on it entirely so as to not become paralyzed, as you mentioned. As a dad our job is to keep our kids in focus, not our own fears/dreams/wants.
I’m constantly having to ‘cast down’ those thoughts, those fears, about my kids dying or getting injured, or fear of somehow getting so busy that I miss their childhood, or messing up their lives, or…well, the list goes on and on. But yes, it’s difficult getting control of these fears.
@Tom:
You bring up a very good point. We can’t allow our fears to run our lives and we must always keep our kids ahead of that fear. Thanks for the comment.
@Stephen:
My fears come and go as well. I seem to worry about a lot of things that I shouldn’t worry about and these are just a few of ‘em.
Fear and loss. Two heavy topics - but very important to address and reflect on.
My wife and I experienced two ectopic pregnancies before we had our boys. We believe the children we lost were both girls. I don’t think we’ll be having any more kids, and this makes me sad because I miss my girls. I think about them every day and I feel their spirits around quite often.
These thoughts and feelings make me that much more appreciative for the two little stinkers I do have!
Thank you for this honest, brave post about a topic we all think about but seldom share.
Peace,
Joey
http://www.daddybrain.wordpress.com
well put. And yes, losing my child is something that I dread. I could not imagine life without him. And no, I would not move on. Simple as that.
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I think I have all of these fears. I went through the first one when my wife miscarried but fortunately we have a great baby daughter now.
@Babbo: Thank you for sharing your story. It’s amazing how kids come into our lives and the love and heartache we feel for them.
@BusyDad: Thanks - I don’t think I could ever move on either
@Andrew: Thanks for coming by and for the comment. Congrats on your daughter! Hope to hear from you again.
And the most frightening part is that the loss of any one of these might trigger the loss of others. I want to feel this way about my son and my family forever. Best feeling in the world.
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Now that my daughter is 4 years old, I’m worried that she’ll find me boring and not fun to be with any longer.
It’s just part of growing up, but we still want our kids to be our babies. Hard to watch them grow up and want to be with other friends. My wife keeps telling me to enjoy the time we have together. Hey, you can always have another one